Sopor Aeternus: Todeswunsch - sous le soleil de Saturne (1995)

Flesh Crucifix
(Suffering From Objectivity)

Mors voluntaria venerabilis es dea,
me suaviari... cum labris frigorum,
tu obscurissima omnes deorum...


Die Bruderschaft des Schmerzens [1]*
(Die Unbegreiflichkeit des dunklen Pfades, den die Kinder Saturns gehen)

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named Night,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule -
From a wild weird clime that lieth, sublime,
Out of Space - out of Time.

Bottomless vales and boundless floods,
And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods,
With forms that no man can discover
For the tears that drip all over;
Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire;
Lakes that endlessly outspread
Their lone waters - lone and dead, -
Their still waters - still and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily.

By the lakes that thus outspread
Their lone waters - lone and dead. -
Their sad waters - sad and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily, -
By the mountains - near the river
Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever, -
By the grey woods, - by the swamp
Where the toad and the newt encamp, -
By the dismal tarns and pools
Where dwell the Ghouls, -
By each spot that most unholy -
In each nook most melacholy, -
There the traveller meets aghast
sheeted Memories of the Past -
Shrouded forms that start and sigh
As they pass the wanderer by -
White-robed forms of friends long given,
In agony, to the Earth - and Heaven.

For the heart whose woes are legion
'Tis a peaceful, soothing region -
For the spirit that walks in shadows
Oh! it is an Eldorado!
But the traveller, travelling through it,
may not - dare not openly view it;
Never its mysteries are exposed
To the weak human eye unclosed;
So wills its King, who hath forbid
The uplifting of the fringed lid;
And thus the sad Soul that here passes
Beholds it but through darkened glasses.

By a route obscure and lonely,
haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named Night,
on a black throne reigns upright,
I have wandered home but newly,
From this ultimate dim Thule.


Shadowsphere I
(The Monologue-world and the subconscious Symbols)

This is a sad day here in the world of shades,
But even pain has its own beauty,
Even pain can perform a lovely face.
Blinding stream, double-edged, in an extra-terrestrial gloom,
Beautiful creation of steel grown in my barren womb...

The way into the light will separate me from my flesh,
Myriads in their birth-given red
Forcefully swimming through out space.
This darkest space is wide and the mountain is still so high.
Fly up my black little eyes
And cross the frontiers that dare to define my life!

No space too vast and surely no place too far,
The groping sister feels that her eyes must be somehow alive.
So she is afraid of all the dwellers of the dark,
In their blindness they will never understand
The tempting gift of sight.

This place is cold, blindly she can feel
The dead winds caressing all the rocks.
From high above they all come way down,
These angels kissing our undead bodies to stone...


Shadowsphere II
(The Monologue-world and the subconscious Symbols)

Black wall, eat up my life and suffocate!
This is a sad day in the shadowsphere.
Two suns are dancing cruelly in the dark,
Forcefully swimming through out this space...


Saltatio Crudelitatis
(Tanz der Grausamkeit)

Tongue of silence, lick my lips,
Steal my thoughts and steal my pride!
My soul lies offered as I'm waiting,
Intoxicate me, when you step inside!
Hold my hands, my hands are trembling,
Your charming beauty takes my breath.
Fragrant perfumes veil my senses,
Hold my hands, sweet tormentress!
Out of darkness we all came from,
Flight from darkness is in vain.
I'm the banquet, I'm delicious,
Into darkness we'll fall back again...

Meister des Mordes, nimm meine Augen,
An diesem Ort kann ich nicht sein!
Strecke mich nieder, zerschlage mein Haupt,
Meister des Mordes, schenke mir den Tod!
Meister des Mordes, erhöre mein Flehen,
Beende die Leiden, nimm den Schmerz von mir!
Öffne die Tore, es ist für mich Zeit...
Meister des Mordes, dieser Tanz ist Grausamkeit!
Meister des Mordes, nimm meine Augen,
Gefangen im Fleische, erbärmlich und alt!
Führe mich fort in die Dunkelheit,
Vater meiner Seele, dieser Tanz ist Grausamkeit.
Vater meiner Seele, reiß' mich in den Tod...

...Es tut mir leid.


Soror Sui Exidium
(Sister Of Self-Destruction)

"Step onto my thoughts, blades, sharp and long!", -
[While I dared to gaze inside myself
And caught a glimpse of what...]
You perform your own destruction
And I feel the same delight, share the wish to die.
Spiritualize this "Death is a mental state",
Still anguish is his name.
Fill me up with your chill, alone in my emptiness
Greatfully I'll receive your pain!

Unworthy to some light I long to embrace your fire.
I'll be the tomb where you spread your seed
And alone with your blossom I shall expire...


Leave me alone, can't you leave me alone!
The unclean presence of flesh I just cannot bear...
A ballet, well balanced, between pain and forgiveness,
It won't collide, and if I'm crushed by, I don't care.

I do not care, I do not care...
I do no longer care...
I do not care, I do not care...
I do no longer care...


No one will ever recognize my fall,
And if someone accidentially did,
He wouldn't waste a thought,
Would not spare a single thought.
I cannot think of a reason why I should remain,
Only their "faces" might alter,
But my desperation will stay the same...

It even increases with time....

The barriers of the gates have simply dissolved within my tears.
The Lord of the Dark Side, though shapeless, he waits for me...
"Behold my beloved, I will always belong to thee!"

I died for you - for you I'll die,
Together in a realm of the infinite night.
I died for you and for you I will die,
Blessed be those that dwell in your light...
Hand in hand in hand in hand,
So lifeless I can finally understand!

Embraced so intimately, beloved Sister of Self-destruction,
You are inside of me!



The Devil's Instrument

Thoughts are spinning their inescapable threads,
Transforming us cruelly into marionettes.
Everything I feel is pain,
And the Devil, he holds us tightly in his hands.
Buried desperately in my chest a rose for myself,
A rose for the dead.
A serenade of tears, lifelessly we feel the beat,
Though no orchestra is there to be seen...

I am you, I am you - you are me.
What am I, what are you - who are we?
What is truth and what is lie,
Who are you and who am I?

In a cradle of mercy we're sleeping the half-sleep of oblivion.
No holy water could wash away our faults,
Nor benedictions purify our unclean souls.
The gates remain locked for the wingless children of wrath,
So long ago splintered and trodden down...
Us, children of glass...
Please, my Lord, extinguish the light,
The illumination hurts my eyes.
My choice was wrong, oh, so wrong,
Truly all I feel is pain...

I am you, I am you - you are me.
What am I, what are you - who are we?
What is truth and what is lie,
Who are you and who am I?


We are crying with wolves,
Like stones we're sleeping with the dead.
Soon we'll be gone...
And you shall be left the instrument.

I am you, I am you - you are me.
What am I, what are you - who are we?
What is truth and what is lie,
Who are you and who am I?

We are crying with wolves,
Like stones we are sleeping with the dead.
Soon we, we'll be gone...
And you shall be the instrument.


Todeswunsch

Chill is dripping silently - I am drowning in myself.
My hopes left me alone and barren,
My grave the only loving place.
I hate my own loathsome smell,
This stench of old-age and maledorous fear.
How I hate each mortal cell rotting deep inside of me.

I cannot bear the sun, so I close my eyes,
It's the perfect day to end this wretched life!


Give me the reason of life, so that I might laugh...
At least I'll try in bitterness...
Stop the waiting, the cruel waiting for nothing.
All I want is to forget... finally in Sleep of Death.

I could die just like a christian, I could fade, fade away in sleep,
But I want to die for someone, for the one who waits for me.
I long to be a sacrifice for my lord, the Lord of the Darkest Side.
Everyday is a perfect day, a perfect day for suicide!

I cannot bear the sun, so I close my eyes,
It's the perfect day to end this wretched life!
Stop the waiting, the cruel waiting for nothing.
All I want is to forget... finally in Sleep of Death.

Deliver me from the mindless crowd,
When steps grow dumb behind my back.
Save me from their poisoned looks,
Harassing like daggers through my neck.

Here, where it's like hell to exist
Only Death can bring salvation.
Please, release me from my chains
That crucify me to my eternal tribulation.


Give me the reason of life, so that I might laugh...
At least I'll try in bitterness...
Stop the waiting, the cruel waiting for nothing.
All I want is to forget... finally in Sleep of Death.

Here, where even my image is spitting,
Where I have to hide my face.
Where the distress seems so endlessly,
Here, in this god-forsaken place...
In a former time, in a long forgotten place
When the masks and all the faces had been identical twins.
As our sanctuaries were locked to hypocritical lies,
Now befouled they all lay bare,
As "they" stalked in... so well disguised.

Suicide, sweet suicide,
Deepest darkness veils my eyes.
Suicide, sweet suicide,
Jet-black darkness clouds my mind.
Suicide, sweet suicide,
Deepest darkness in my heart.
Suicide, sweetest suicide,
My unclean soul... I know no light.


Drama der Geschlechtslosigkeit I

Bin weder Mann, noch bin ich Frau,
Bin irgendwo zwischendrin.
Weiß nicht, wohin ich gehöre,
Weiß nicht, was ich bin...
Traurigkeit erfüllt meine Seele
In jedem einzelnen Augenblick,
Was vor mir liegt, kann ich nicht sehen,
Doch ich weiß, es gibt kein Zurück...
Bin wie zwölf Seelen,
Die begraben sind in einem sich bewegenden Fleisch.
Zwölf grundverschiedenen Hälften,
Zu deren Kombination es wohl niemals reicht...


Freitod-Phantasien

Two half-figures stand ashore the darkest lake
Embraced by cold veils of mist
And icy breath blows the leaves, the leaves away...
And the old black trees spread their long dead arms.

And the old black trees spread their long dead arms...
As the souls of the dead call across the water
They both step down into the coldest depth...


Drama der Geschlechtslosigkeit II

Bin weder Mann, noch bin ich Frau,
Bin irgendwo zwischendrin.
Weiß nicht, wohin ich gehöre,
Weiß nicht, was ich bin...


Saturn-Impressionen

Der kalte See liegt schweigend im Nebel
Und ewig wird er sein.
Sie alle hat er bereits empfangen,
Und auch ich tauche bald in seine Fluten ein.

Die Zeit, sie liegt so weit zurück,
Als das Erste von uns sank in die Tiefe hier.
Die blauen Leiber einsam faulend,
Nur ihre Stimmen rufen nach mir.

Dies ist mein Schicksal und mein Verlangen,
Sein kaltes Grab ist meine Pflicht.
Ich bin ein Letztes meines Geschlechts,
Und ich weiß, er wartet schon auf mich...


Somnambulist's Secret Bardo-Life
(Does the Increase of Pain invite the Absence of Time?)

I have no body and I feel no pain,
For I am no longer here again.
Now I can fly through out the widest space,
Finally I set free from all my chains.
A farewell to old Heaven and a farewell to "old Hell",
From now on we shall never meet again.
Neither light nor dark are here to know my way,
There'll be no more sadness,
And there'll be no more pain.
I can fly, yes, I can fly and I am no longer here...
May this flesh stay down there forever,
I know we're not connected...
I no longer care...

I have no body and I feel no pain,
For I am no longer here again.
I can fly through out the widest space,
Finally I set free from all my chains.
A farewell to old Heaven and a farewell to "old Hell",
From now on we shall never meet again.
Neither light nor dark are here to know my way,
There'll be no more sadness,
And there'll be no more pain.
I can fly, yes, I can fly and I am no longer here...
May this old flesh stay down there forever,
I know we're not connected...
I no longer care...


Not Dead But Dying

Take my hand
In the old "Theatre Of Seven Hells";
A ferry bowed its wings,
Called "Moon by Day".
Life - a book
In foreign tongue that hurts our ears.
Flowers of the end,
Their seeds shall grow.
Your breath - my coat,
The underworld is, oh, so cold.
The dead don't feel the chill,
But, please, hold me warm.
The aweful night has gone;
What lay before we can't remember.
Morpheus has drowned
In the lament of a weeping shadow...

Take my hand
In the old "Theatre Of Seven Hells";
A ferry bowed its wings,
We call her: "Moon by Day".
Life - a book
In foreign tongue that hurts our ears.
Flowers of the end,
Their seeds shall grow.
Your breath shall be my coat,
The underworld is, oh, so cold.
The dead don't feel the chill,
But, please, hold me warm.
The aweful night has gone;
What came before we can't remember.
Morpheus has drowned
In the lament of a weeping shadow...


Only The Dead In The Mist

Old, senseless thoughts half-frozen in loneliness,
Faster and faster we're spinning in circles;
Imprisoned in pain, floating without sound,
The dead in the mist aimlessly wandering around.

Our sad eyes say: "We have lost our view!"
Dead souls without rest, the graves are lonely and cold.
But the promised peace I'm afraid we'll never find,
For this place it lies so far beyond the cruelest light...


This Profane Finality

Bury me deep in the blackest earth...
Drunken on maggots, home of thousand worms!
Nail me up into the blackest coffin
And bed me down into the deepest pit!
Shrouded I am waiting for my cold friends, the final beasts...
You, living off the lonely dead, the moist and voluntary feast.
"Sweet Death, come kiss me softly and please,
Please, open the door for me!"
It's just another grateful dead, so, please, let me enter and stay.

Pain and torment, do what you want with me, I don't care...
I don't care...
I no longer care...

Like ancient wraiths they seem to be,
The others come to welcome me.
"Receive the new disciple in the dance of dread!"
Soulless figures swaying to the beautiful sounds of death...


Cage Within A Cage
(...within a Cage within a Cage...)

Wieder nur ein Käfig innerhalb eines Käfigs,
Und jegliches Erwachen ist nur grausame Illusion.
Ewig gefangen in der eigenen Täuschung,
Wie der trügerische Traum innerhalb eines Traums...


      [1] - стихотворение "Dream-Land" Эдгара Аллана По.