Sopor Aeternus: The Inexperienced Spiral Traveller - Aus dem Schoß der Hölle ward geboren die Totensonne (1997)

      It is said if you forget the dead, they die again... I am standing here adorned with the COLOURS of Death, trying to find my way, which seems to reveal itself only within the actual moments of walking... step by step. It is strange how things change and they do change indeed; uninterrupted and unstoppable. Sometimes I feel like losing myself but within what, I do not really know. Within myself, the OUTSIDE or the CURSED and grey no man's land which lies in wait inbetween? Sometimes it is hard to believe, to be a TRUE believer when all sense, all meaning is VEILED. Yet, there are always signs, voices brief moments of SIGN-IFICANCE - so MEANINGFUL confirming the rightness of our actions. Roadsigns which take effects only after the EVENT, calling from the PAST to make us remember. Happiness is transient and its MEMORIES fade soon... always. Only pain is lasting, he survives time, his colours never fade. He is omnipresent... though sometimes he remains SILENT... in the background, yet always there, always prepared. I am standing here in a new light. Having heard the message of depature I am imploring guidance and help. I am calling the spirits of the past. Receive my love which I am sending out to YOU, protect the ancient ruins and give me your blessings as I am sending you my love. Catch me if I fall and even though I know that you cannot give me hope, I am asking you to put me up whenever I fell like returning to your lonely bosom... even it is only, for a short while. I thank you for all the thinks you made me learn, this highest and most sacred gift only few can ever understand... perhaps no-one here. I thank you for your beauty... your differency. Beyond words your essence lies, out of space and out of time...



To A Loyal Friend

Once there was a time when the conquest of pain
Was all that I could hope for, had been my only aim.
Happiness or joy merely "unwords" without meaning,
They were unwanted anyway as surely out off place.
All I wanted was the voices to be so silent,
A brief moment in the dark, loneliness and chill.
How I wish my mind could escape the carnal dungeon
That was flying silently through space
While I lay gagged and chained within.

Today my view strangely increased, - it is beyond compare, -
But nothing became easier, I'm still struggling to be free.
A thousand different things dare to appear before my eyes now,
They come and leave untouched, because still I cannot see.

In true darkness there's no choice than to discover
The uselessness of eyes, giving birth from their own despair.
Here eyes can nothing but decay
And if I fail to do identify myself with them
Then their destiny I'll share...

You are with me all the time - all the time!
So very unreasonable had been my fear.
How could I ever believe that I might be losing you
When forever we're connected and you are part of me.

It's your omnipresence that defines the way
In which I do exist, forcefully leading me back to
Where I do belong.
Opening my eyes to see the true essence of my being
By dissolving the distractions of the outer world.

In the loneliness of the pain you bring
The isolation of my soul, guarantees
The maintenance of the only thing that I know:
My natural and obvious differency.
Beloved old friend and life-time companion,
Without you to nothing I would fall.
Your power pervades me and lies me low,
But at the same time a new strength is born to my soul.

Beloved old friend and bringer of sadness,
Shadow-like cloak, almost matter so real.
You slip right through me
Like I was merely membrane,
My feelings so ambivalent
When my wounds refuse to heal...


In a universe of change and continuous movement
I am counting on you since I know you shall last.
Being my darkness and the basis of splendor,
Light-giving background as most fertile past.
You "trance-formation", source of understanding,
You are the power that is pulling me down.
Whenever a lightness seeks to carry me away,
You connect me savely to the ground.
You chill of my winter, eternal saturn-sphere,
Petrified and frozen, with a logic cold as ice.
I walk through the world, look in suprise at the living,
Without being able to share their strange delight.

Beloved old friend and bringer of sadness,
Shadow-like cloak, almost matter so real.
You slip right through me
Like I was merely membrane,
My feelings so ambivalent
When my wounds refuse to heal...



The Inexperienced Spiral Traveller (A fragment)

Alles ist nur Illusion und vom mir erschaffen,
Doch ich vermag ihr nicht zu entflieh'n,
Bin in meinem eigenen Trugbild gefangen,
Und meine armen Augen erkennen kein Ziel.

Die Antwort kann niemals im Außen sein,
Sie liegt stets im Inneren, schläft tief in mir drin,
Doch welches Auge schaut hinein,
Ich brauche ein neues Auge, einen neuen Sinn.

Die Zeit ist wie ein Ort und gleichsam ein Zustand,
Und ich bin darin, denn ich bin ihr Quell,
Gefangen in meiner eigenen Schöpfung,
Auf der verzweifelten Suche nach meinem wahren Selbst...


Memalon

Who is the old man,
Who fills my heart with greatest pain,
Yet his name remains unheard?
Ai, ai, ai...

I look at you and true tears shake my eternal Saturnworld.
Who is the old man,
Whose picture burned itself down to the bottom of my soul?
Ai, ai, ai...

You push me back and raise me up,
The criteria for both I long to know.
Who are you I worship?
What is the name of the One I saw?
Tell me how to reach you,
To you I'd bow my head in awe.
Ai, ai, ai...

You speak to me,
But what is it I hear?
We've never really touched...
Such is the design of my greatest fear.

Cruel, cruel, cruel...
A veil I cannot penetrate, in different worlds we dwell,
Attempting to dissolve what separates.
Ai, ai, ai...

I force my face against this strangest membrane-wall
And desperately I call for you
From the darkest depths of my lonely soul.
The mist of the dimensions
Through which to glance it seems not allowed,
Or maybe it's just that our "level" is of no interest
As it is simply too low.
Ai, ai, ai...

Is it true that only the warriors' strength
Can conquer the mist and then be therefore received?
You turn around the illusion of a voice...
My desire crowned by another defeat.

If doubt walks in I am growing weak
In fear one day all pictures fade.
Lying down, looking inside I call my dead lover in his grave.
Ai, ai, ai...

My eyes have caught a glimpse of you,
Now I devour myself to embrace your peace.
The distance grows, we drift apart.
What is the use of eyes if they cannot see?
Hear me in my darkness, please wait for me,
I'll find the way.
I promise, I shall resist the tides,
Until I'm finally united with you again...
Ai, ai, ai...


Memories Are Haunted Places
(Birth-Fiendish Figuration, vers.)

Exposed with hands as empty as the opposite space,
Crawlingly we move to where the final station lies.
To whom is the debt that we are, we are forced to pay?
Real faces dare to appear only when we turn away,
Truth reveals itself - reveal yourself!

A face ordained to hypocrites,
We know the masks, their artificial smiles.
Mind's black eyes should break the lies.

Distorted pictures are all transparent to us;
Phantasmagoria, such a useful weapon,
Ineffectual against us...
Enemies with the knowledge of truth...
...Truth makes me sick,
What a wretched play!

Paralysed by flesh and bones,
Condemned to vegetate,
Condemned to stay alone.
Helplessly we are escaping, we're clinging to...
Stranded ashore...
Oh, beloved infamous side!
Our distress in perfection, trials and tribulations.
Preferring our pain we stay and die...

Do you know my name?


Synchronicity (To Saturn:Orion)

Saturn-Orion, Saturn-Orion,
Into the night we call Saturn-Orion.
Beyond this darkness sense Jupiter arise,
Travelling in silence we trance-form our minds.
Beyond this darkness sense Jupiter's rise,
Mit offenem Geiste werden wir EINS.


Totenlicht
(Infant In The Face Of Time)

Den Raum verändernd schließ' ich meine Augen.
Ich reise, doch ich bewege mich nicht.
Auf der Suche nach Dir, der Du es verstehst,
Wie man sich meinem Bewußtsein erfolgreich entzieht.
Das Ziel meiner Reise, der sollst Du sein,
Diesseits formloser Grenzen, die niemand kennt.
Traurigstes aller Universen,
In dem nur ich existiere, doch vom Leben getrennt.

Eine "Erkenntnis", die mich zwingt,
Dich als Illusion anzuseh'n,
Da sie, erst einmal angenommen, bedingt,
Diesen Pfad konsequent auch weiter zugeh'n.
Nein, lieber erhebe ich Dich zur Wahrheit hin,
Indem ich Dich zu einem Teil meiner Selbst ernenn'
Und möglicherweise auf diesem Weg
Wichtiges Teilstück der Wahrheit erkenn'.
Ich bin das Ziel meiner Reise durch einen Raum,
Den ich - selbst reglos verharrend - krumm'.
Mit geschlossen Augen, doch stets gewährt,
Erkenn' ich das Erwachen eines neuen Sinns.
Von Dunkelheit zu Dunkelheit, ja, ich weiß,
Und es tut mir leid.
Schmerzgesang ohne Geschlechtlichkeit,
Ein notwendiger Abschnitt in der Zeit.


May I Kiss Your Wound?

May I kiss you wound?
Maybe that will heal my soul.
Free me from this tomb,
Light my darkness, make me whole.

Let me take your hand
And together we shall fly
To a lonely place where as lovers
We can die.

In a land so dark, of seven moons,
Eternal night, with a sky of thousand stars,
Yet for us there is no light...
There waits no light...

May I kiss you wound?
Maybe that will heal my soul.
Free me from this tomb,
Light my darkness, make me whole.